Thursday, June 03, 2004
Tids and Bits: Tidbits
Did you know that I wear two silver rings on my right hand? Both are gifts from my boyfriend Paul. But did you know that when I masturbate I have to remove the band on my ring finger and put it on the ring finger on my left hand? Too much metal on one hand doesn’t lead to conductive masturbation.
As though this is of less importance than my masturbation techniques…I received an email from my brother today that gave his TENTATIVE dates for re-deployment in the United States. God willing, he will be leaving Iraq by July 1st and home with my family by July 22nd. My heart leapt with joy and I experienced this moment of calmness that I haven’t felt since he left. I’m not getting my hopes up…but Lord…I know you’re out there. Please let this happen.
Tonight I am going to see Shrek 2 with my mom and Paul. First we will head over to Ranch One (for those of you who are not NYer’s, Ranch One is a fast food chicken sandwich place that is an addiction that my mother and I share). Afterwards we will head down to see the movie. I had such a super great time with her last night. We ended up not going to dinner, but staying in her hotel room from 6-11pm drinking wine, smoking packs of cigarettes and talking about everything under the sun. And oddly enough, only a few tears were shed (It’s hard to talk about my brother with my parents and not lose it as you could imagine). This has been one of the best visits with my mom that I’ve ever had. I wish she could stay for a week instead of for just a couple of days.
I saw someone wearing a Bart Simpson “Underachiever” t-shirt yesterday. Um…what? There are so many things wrong with this style choice that I don’t even know where to begin. Please, if you are reading this and you own one of these t-shirts, put it to sleep with your Jams and your Jelly shoes. Forever and ever Amen.
I was able to rope my friend Angie into seeing “The Day After Tomorrow” with me. Of all the plans that I have for this weekend, going to see this movie is by far the highlight.
I love Nelly Furtado. So much. Too much. More than a gay man should. I’d eat her tits if she asked me to.
I went home last night and played with my hammies for an hour or so. The whole time I kept thinking “Please don’t multiply and have babies. I don’t want to have to throw you out of my bedroom window.” Luckily nothing like that happened. But on the flip side, it took me 10 minutes to get my favorite hammie, Jim, to come out of his cage. He sat upright, with his back turned to me for a long time. I think he was pissed that I’ve been out of my apartment for so long. But eventually he crawled into my hand and we watched TV together for awhile. He totally loves Blind Date, so I watched back to back episodes at his request.
Sometimes I am wrong about things. I do enjoy Jake Gyllenhaal’s acting, but I have always thought that he was kind of ugly. Like in a…I don’t know…ugly way. Anyway, he was on the cover of last week’s Entertainment Weekly promoting his new movie and I’m not kidding…he looked absolutely beautiful. He’s still not my ideal physical type, but I decided after studying the picture that I want to look exactly like him. He has great hair and eyes and I think I may have to reconstruct myself to look like him. Weird how this happens. One minute I think he’s semi-busted, the next minute, I’m going on the Swan Pageant to look just like him.
I am in LOVE with the Lean Cuisine French bread Pizza. It is so super good. Low fat and calories and its microwavable. If you are looking for a light lunch that won’t go right to your hips and thighs, this is the food to eat.
Ashley Simpson, sister of Jessica Simpson, has a new single out. It makes me want to hurl with uncreative boredom. Come ON! Why are people still signing record contracts with these cheap and overused knock off performers? Enough’s fucking enough. I mean, I totally fell into the Vanessa Carlton, Michelle Branch, Avril Lavigne (although I hate that bitch so much) trap. But I have since grown up into a smarter woman and I refuse to get into Ashley’s “Pieces of Me” bullshit. Take your rip off and shove it up your sister’s dumb ass.
And that’s my tids and bits for this Thursday.
Enjoy your day! I am surely going to try to do the same.
Did you know that I wear two silver rings on my right hand? Both are gifts from my boyfriend Paul. But did you know that when I masturbate I have to remove the band on my ring finger and put it on the ring finger on my left hand? Too much metal on one hand doesn’t lead to conductive masturbation.
As though this is of less importance than my masturbation techniques…I received an email from my brother today that gave his TENTATIVE dates for re-deployment in the United States. God willing, he will be leaving Iraq by July 1st and home with my family by July 22nd. My heart leapt with joy and I experienced this moment of calmness that I haven’t felt since he left. I’m not getting my hopes up…but Lord…I know you’re out there. Please let this happen.
Tonight I am going to see Shrek 2 with my mom and Paul. First we will head over to Ranch One (for those of you who are not NYer’s, Ranch One is a fast food chicken sandwich place that is an addiction that my mother and I share). Afterwards we will head down to see the movie. I had such a super great time with her last night. We ended up not going to dinner, but staying in her hotel room from 6-11pm drinking wine, smoking packs of cigarettes and talking about everything under the sun. And oddly enough, only a few tears were shed (It’s hard to talk about my brother with my parents and not lose it as you could imagine). This has been one of the best visits with my mom that I’ve ever had. I wish she could stay for a week instead of for just a couple of days.
I saw someone wearing a Bart Simpson “Underachiever” t-shirt yesterday. Um…what? There are so many things wrong with this style choice that I don’t even know where to begin. Please, if you are reading this and you own one of these t-shirts, put it to sleep with your Jams and your Jelly shoes. Forever and ever Amen.
I was able to rope my friend Angie into seeing “The Day After Tomorrow” with me. Of all the plans that I have for this weekend, going to see this movie is by far the highlight.
I love Nelly Furtado. So much. Too much. More than a gay man should. I’d eat her tits if she asked me to.
I went home last night and played with my hammies for an hour or so. The whole time I kept thinking “Please don’t multiply and have babies. I don’t want to have to throw you out of my bedroom window.” Luckily nothing like that happened. But on the flip side, it took me 10 minutes to get my favorite hammie, Jim, to come out of his cage. He sat upright, with his back turned to me for a long time. I think he was pissed that I’ve been out of my apartment for so long. But eventually he crawled into my hand and we watched TV together for awhile. He totally loves Blind Date, so I watched back to back episodes at his request.
Sometimes I am wrong about things. I do enjoy Jake Gyllenhaal’s acting, but I have always thought that he was kind of ugly. Like in a…I don’t know…ugly way. Anyway, he was on the cover of last week’s Entertainment Weekly promoting his new movie and I’m not kidding…he looked absolutely beautiful. He’s still not my ideal physical type, but I decided after studying the picture that I want to look exactly like him. He has great hair and eyes and I think I may have to reconstruct myself to look like him. Weird how this happens. One minute I think he’s semi-busted, the next minute, I’m going on the Swan Pageant to look just like him.
I am in LOVE with the Lean Cuisine French bread Pizza. It is so super good. Low fat and calories and its microwavable. If you are looking for a light lunch that won’t go right to your hips and thighs, this is the food to eat.
Ashley Simpson, sister of Jessica Simpson, has a new single out. It makes me want to hurl with uncreative boredom. Come ON! Why are people still signing record contracts with these cheap and overused knock off performers? Enough’s fucking enough. I mean, I totally fell into the Vanessa Carlton, Michelle Branch, Avril Lavigne (although I hate that bitch so much) trap. But I have since grown up into a smarter woman and I refuse to get into Ashley’s “Pieces of Me” bullshit. Take your rip off and shove it up your sister’s dumb ass.
And that’s my tids and bits for this Thursday.
Enjoy your day! I am surely going to try to do the same.
